E-ZOOS.BIZ

Q: Is this a real zoo?

A: E-ZOOS.BIZ is a VIRTUAL zoo, which means all our animals exist on the information superhighway! You can visit them without leaving your computer chair, which is good because pants are optional on the internet.

Q: Are your animal facts accurate?

A: Our facts are researched by our team of expert zoologists (Kevin, age 12). All facts are 100% accurate or your money back. Since everything is free, you technically can't get your money back, but the point stands.

Q: Can I add my pet to E-ZOOS.BIZ?

A: We appreciate the offer, but E-ZOOS.BIZ focuses on WILD animals, not domesticated pets. We've received 47 requests to add "my neighbor's cat Mittens" and the answer is still no. Mittens is not exotic enough.

Q: Why don't you have [specific animal]?

A: We're a small operation! Adding new animals requires extensive research (Googling), image sourcing (also Googling), and fact compilation (asking Kevin). We welcome suggestions via our Contact page.

Q: Why does your website look like this?

A: This is cutting-edge web design! Tables for layout, beveled buttons, and animated GIFs represent the PINNACLE of internet technology. If you think this looks dated, you're probably from the future.

Q: The site is loading slowly. What gives?

A: Our server is powered by a hamster running on a wheel. Since Mr. Whiskers passed away, we've been training a replacement. Please be patient. Have you tried getting a faster modem?

Q: Can I use your animal pictures for my school project?

A: Sure! Just cite us as "E-ZOOS.BIZ, The World's Greatest Virtual Zoo" in your bibliography. Your teacher will be impressed by your excellent sources.

Q: How do I sign up for your newsletter?

A: We don't have a newsletter! But if you want, we can have Kevin email you random animal facts whenever he's bored. He's bored a lot.

Q: Is E-ZOOS.BIZ Y2K compliant?

A: Yes! We've tested our website extensively and it should survive the turn of the millennium. If you're reading this after January 1, 2000, and society hasn't collapsed, you're welcome.

Q: Why are spiders on this site if they're not insects?

A: The spiders' lawyers were very persuasive. They demanded their own page and threatened to appear in our founders' shoes. We complied.

Q: Do you have a mobile version of this site?

A: A what now? You want to view a website on a PHONE? That's the craziest thing we've ever heard. Phones are for calling people. Computers are for the internet. This is basic stuff.