E-ZOOS.BIZ
(NOT AN INSECT - THEY ASKED US TO CLARIFY)
Photo: Nope. Nope nope nope.
SPINE-TINGLING SPIDER FACTS!
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Scientific Name: Arachnus Eightleggius Nightmarefuelicus Diet: Insects, other spiders, the brave souls who enter basements Habitat: Literally every corner of your house. RIGHT NOW. Lifespan: 1-25 years of strategic web placement |
Did you know? You are never more than 3 feet away from a spider. This is statistically unverified but we're telling you anyway because we want you to experience the same anxiety we do.
Spiders are NOT insects - they're arachnids. They have 8 legs instead of 6, two body segments instead of three, and a massive superiority complex about the whole thing. Insects have unions; spiders work alone.
FUN FACT: Spider silk is stronger than steel of the same diameter. Scientists are trying to mass-produce it, but the spiders are difficult to unionize and keep demanding more flies per hour.
HOUSE SPIDER TRUTH: That spider in your bathroom? It's been there for generations. Its great-great-grandfather watched YOUR great-great-grandfather take baths. The spider family has seen things. Unspeakable things.
| RATE THIS ANIMAL! |
| (The spider watching you read this awaits your decision) |
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